"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up

a standard against him and put him to flight ..." Isaiah 59:19b (Amp)

Ever since I wrote last month about choosing to stand I have had constant

attacks which, although designed by the enemy to make me fall, have been used

greatly by the Lord to show me the "chinks" in my armor. I can't begin to

describe the emotional turmoil and anguish that overwhelmed me like a flood but

I must give glory to God who has lifted up His standard against my enemies as He

promised in my opening verse.

First, immediately after sending out the letter the Lord dealt with me in the

night about a statement I'd made which wasn't quite true. When I said I kept a

rose by my bed to see if it loses half its fragrance in the day I reported that

I'd found it to be true when in actuality I had noticed only a slight

difference. (I believe it is actually in the crushing of the petals for their

perfume that this difference is so obvious.) But I had written a lie with no

pang of conscience whatsoever so I was shocked as the Holy Spirit confronted me

- such a small thing - just an exaggeration - writer's license my mind argued.

But all that came back to me was - LIES - God's messenger cannot speak His Word

and lie at the same time. The fear of the Lord fell on me. The next morning I

searched my letters from the last 5½ years. I found one other letter where, for

the sake of space, I'd combined two incidents and made them sound like one -

writer's license - expediency I had called it. LIES according to God. So I

write to ask your forgiveness for I must never handle anything dishonestly in

order to "help" God's message.

"How did this happen?" I asked the Lord. He brought me back to my life before

the Cross when, although saved, I was not a surrendered vessel. I had written

articles that were published that had lots of "writer's license". At the Cross

God had given me a clean, new heart so that I no longer did this. But I had

never actually recognized and repented of this particular sin as I had many

other things. So it still had a root in me which was able to spring up without

my even recognizing the sin of it. Through this I discovered a large chink in

part of my armor - the belt of Truth. Not only must I walk in and cleave to

God's Truth but must walk in complete personal integrity or I am the enemy's

target and tool. Thank you Lord for restoring me.

Then came my sister's visit. I was doing much worse physically this time and

she was here more than during her last visit. It seemed we were at odds

whenever we were together. She antagonized my faith every chance she had,

brought in new age things and flaunted her Godless life style. So, now that my

July letter was dealt with, my June letter mocked me! I became bitter at Joyce

which, thank God, I know from correspondence afterwards she did not pick up on

but only thought that I was physically suffering. But what I realize now is

that Joyce was an easy vessel for the enemy to use to try to crush me in my

standing. It was not Joyce (flesh and blood) warring against me but

principalities and powers that have her bound. She really had no idea how she

hurt me. And as I was more verbal in my spiritual sharing, the battle really

raged. She was edgy and nervous and couldn't stand to just be here. (To help

out Jenny got to do more malls in four days than she does in months!) My flesh

reacted terribly because I failed to recognize this very first and most

important aspect of our warfare. (Eph. 6:12) Another large chink exposed. As

I dealt with it in the Lord, all bitterness of soul left me and love and

assurance for Joyce returned.

Right after this came a temptation and test to go backwards in prayer on things

that are already settled and on which I am to stand firm and hold the ground. I

was confused and sorely tempted which led to questioning all God had done and

said. I desperately needed the helmet of salvation and the breastplate of

righteousness. Depression almost sank me for good. I was sure I could not get

up one more time. And I couldn't BUT GOD! Through prayer and waiting on Him He

made Himself and His Way for me clear and not only picked me up but made me

stronger than before, sharpening my sword and increasing my faith. Is the flood

over? I don't know but I do know Who's on my side and He's not going to let me

drown! He is only fixing the chinks in my armor.

Why have I written this? Partly to receive your forgiveness for any harm my sin

may have caused you and partly to encourage you who may be experiencing a flood

right now. May you find your God in it with His Standard lifted high. And,

after you have suffered a little while, may He establish, strengthen and make

you stand stronger than ever in the power of His might. How I love you. I was

blessed by the outpouring of love and appreciation of the rose poem (which was

hard for me to receive at first but which I have now received as from the Lord).

God bless you . We love and appreciate you so much.